uhoh
by kubla2
Summary: cordano but i don't own them...sequel to back in business
1. Default Chapter

Elizabeth woke up to the twitter of birds outside of the window. She wrinkled her nose against the tickle of the soft auburn down on Robert's chest. She smiled before opening her eyes.  
  
His profile was outlined against the white light glowing through the billowing curtain, and she smiled more deeply as she realized that she knew his face by heart. Deepset eyes, strong cheekbones, sweet nose, sensitive mouth, jutting jaw. And those delicate ears. She blinked and when her eyes reopened he was looking into them, meeting her blue gaze with his deep brown one before their lips met in their first kiss of the day.  
  
Hearing Ella chattering to herself in the next room, Robert pulled back but then pressed forward again to kiss Elizabeth hungrily but quickly, already reaching for his pyjama pants, struggling to slip them on as she hung around his neck and kissed him back. Laughing, he ducked out of her embrace to go get her daughter. Their daughter, she thought.  
  
Ella had become Robert's child. The little girl adored and trusted him. He was the person she looked for when the other mommies and daddies picked up their sons and daughters from day care. He was the one who talked to her and listened to her and sang to her and rocked her to sleep and took care of her when she was sick. When Elizabeth would leave for work, she would kiss them both goodbye and never worry that Ella would be lonely or neglected or that Robert would be lonely or neglected for that matter. He obviously loved spending time with the girl, watching her grow, teaching her things, just being with a little being who was totally happy to be with him. Their closeness was something so natural that Elizabeth often had to remind herself that Ella had ever had another father. She had never expected fatherhood to be Robert's forte, but here he was, totally fulfilled by a day spent coloring pictures or making necklaces from macaroni. Alright, he was still very much engaged in his research 3 days per week, but he had hired a former med school buddy to share the grant with him, allowing them both to spend more time with their families.  
  
Family, she sighed. A word that had only ever meant worry and problems and complications and frustrations to Elizabeth was now a word that meant happiness. It was the word she thought of to describe her life. Well, that and passion -- tender, intense, and all-consuming passion -- for the man who made her feel so alive and so loved every minute of the day.  
  
***  
  
Elizabeth's headache would not go away. She had already taken too much ibuprofen, cut out caffeine, indulged in a nap. When Robert had noticed her rubbing her eyes last night he'd pulled her head into his lap to massage her temples. Nothing was working. After three days of dizzy lightheadedness and three nights of insomnia, Elizabeth was in the lounge fighting back tears and thoroughly frustrated at not knowing why.  
  
After all, her life was perfect. She was completely in love with Robert, completely sure of his love for her, completely secure in their love for Ella. Robert totally supported her work, encouraged her to take on challenges but counseled her to take care of herself. And when she forgot to, he took care of her. His house had become her home, filled with music and laughter and conversation. And every night in their bed Robert fulfilled her every desire, satisfying needs that she had not known she had until she met him, opening her body and soul to experiences that she had never shared with anyone else.  
  
What was wrong? she thought, and a horrible, irrational fear gripped at her heart at the memory of Mark's illness and death, but in her last check up a month earlier her GP had given her a clean bill of health. Her blood pressure was regulated by low doses of medication, and Robert made sure that she ate right, exercised and slept enough. It was like having her own personal physician after all. He worried so much about her that Elizabeth barely had to worry about herself. He worried too much really. That's why she'd never told him of her own nagging fear that the fertility treatments she'd had in order to have Ella had caused her blood pressure to rise and could cause more serious problems down the line, but every pap smear and breast exam were fine.  
  
Frustrated with her lack of insight into her own health, Elizabeth stalked out of the lounge and went back to work, giving the nurses particular grief that day and making them wonder whether Romano was rubbing off on her.  
  
***  
  
Later that evening, back at home, Elizabeth let Robert put Ella to bed. While he was busy, she rummaged in the bathroom for a thermometer, and as she was about to place it under her tongue, Robert walked in and caught her in the act. Wordlessly he watched her take her temp and read it, not asking to see but waiting for her to speak. She admitted that it was a little high and he put his hand to her face and then brought his lips to her forehead. "Hmm," he concurred. With his arm around her shoulders, he steered her to the bed, and sat down with her for a minute. "Wait here," he said simply and in a minute he was back with her bag, taking out instruments to listen to her heart and to measure her blood pressure. "Everything's normal," he said with bewilderment. "Of course," she reassured. "Then why do I feel like something's going on? Why do I feel like I should be doing more for you?" he wondered aloud.  
  
Elizabeth laid her head on his shoulder and let him wrap his arm around her. "I'm just worried about you. You seem restless lately," he murmured as he rubbed gentle circles over her back. Slowing this motion, he lowered his whisper so that she almost didn't hear the next question, "Are we okay?"  
  
Fear bolted through her body. The one thing she counted on was that she and Robert were okay. If he doubted that for an instant, her life really was in danger. She jerked her head from his shoulder, stared at him fiercely and asked, "What?"  
  
He looked at her searchingly. "There's just something going on here. I don't understand." And feeling her anxiety as she tightened the grip of her hands on his shoulders, he relented and shook his head. "I'll never understand women. Today Ella spent three hours making invisible hors d'oeuvres for our tea party," he smiled and Elizabeth smiled back at the thought of Robert and Ella's afternoon of imaginary cucumber sandwiches.  
  
He moved closer to her again to kiss a line down her neck and into the curve of her collar bone where her skin was oh so sensitive. Elizabeth was suddenly overwhelmed with longing for him, for them, for the sweet, hot mingling of their lips and tongues, for the slow, rhythmic merging of their bodies. Her fingers flew to unbutton the few buttons on Robert's linen shirt, sliding the fabric over and off of his shoulders before pressing him back onto the bed as her hands moved to unfasten his belt.  
  
***  
  
She had thrown off the sheet, and her body glowed pale in the moonlight that flooded through the window. In the intensity of the evening's activities, they had neglected to draw the curtains. Robert watched her sleep, enraptured by her presence there next to him. After three months of this, he still couldn't believe that Elizabeth was his. That they belonged to each other completely. Her total trust was expressed in the serenity of her sleep, her happiness in the smile that lit her lovely features even then.  
  
He hadn't thought that it would be possible to love her more than he had for all of those years when she was just a dream to him, an impossible fantasy always out of reach. Now that they were together, sharing their lives, now that she reached for him every night and every morning, reality was richer and more fulfilling than any fantasy. Each day he discovered a new happiness. There were weekends when they would stay in their pyjamas all day, reading the newspaper on the living room sofa, Elizabeth's head in his lap, Ella's head in her mother's. There were evenings when they would read Ella bedtime stories together, cuddling their little girl between them, exchanging knowing looks over her soft blond curls as she nodded slowly off to sleep. There were nights when they would make love for hours as if time stood still for them. And the next morning, when Elizabeth would struggle to open her eyes, he would bring her coffee in bed and tickle her with good morning kisses to her ears and neck and shoulders.  
  
He sighed deeply. Something was changing. Something was different. She was distracted. One moment she seemed to need him more urgently than ever and the next she seemed distant, as if she were hiding a secret that even she didn't know herself. He swallowed. Well, if this wasn't what she wanted, he'd have to let her go. If his love was not enough, he'd have to accept his insufficiency. He had given her his whole heart. What more could he give?  
  
*** After spending the morning at her doctor's office, submitting herself to every test they could think of, Elizabeth tried to get on with her day. As trauma after trauma rolled into the ER, she dove into her work, repairing torn vessels, open wounds, damaged organs. When it was all over and she took off her stained gown and sweaty scrubs for a hot shower. She stood under the hot water with her eyes closed, letting the tension wash away when all of the sudden: ouch! She must have fallen asleep because she was jolted awake as her elbow slammed into the tiled wall.  
  
Soon after, when she walked into the dimly lit kitchen Robert stood to greet her, but instead of their usual kiss, he circled his arm around her and pressed her hard to him. His voice sounded like a sob when he said into her ear, "Jan wants you to call her. As soon as you get in."  
  
They both breathed together, waiting until they could each steady themselves before stepping back. Robert's eyes were dark with emotion. Instead of explaining that she'd only gone to see her doctor as a precaution, that the call was probably just to reassure her that nothing was wrong, she took Robert's hand and led him to the living room, sat down on the sofa and pulled him down next to her before reaching for the phone.  
  
Holding the receiver with one hand, Elizabeth held Robert's with the other. His grip was firm and strong. Perhaps tighter than necessary to stop both of their hands from shaking. When she heard Jan's voice, she took a deep breath and answered with carefully conjured informality. "Hi Jan. It's Elizabeth."  
  
When Jan finished, Elizabeth thanked her and pressed the button on the phone to end the call. As she did so, she closed her eyes, not quite ready to look over and meet Robert's intense, expectant gaze.  
  
And despite the fact that patience wasn't his favorite virtue, Robert waited until she was ready to face him. When she did, he didn't ask for an answer but just leaned forward and kissed her, trying to tell her without words that he'd always be there, that he loved her no matter what, that they didn't need to be married for him to stay through sickness as well as health.  
  
This silent sweetness touched her more deeply than any spoken expression of devotion. During all those years with other men, she had never imagined that Robert could be the one she had needed all along. She drew her face away a little to curl her head under his chin and cuddle against him, taking his hand in hers and holding it before raising it to her lips to kiss the strong knuckles and to whisper his name against them. She felt him shift against her, tense in the silence that should have been broken by some sort of explanation, but trying hard not to be the first to speak, trying to let her tell him in her own time.  
  
Elizabeth slid away from him then, off of the sofa and onto the thick carpet at his feet, still holding his hand but now facing him and gazing up into his eyes, her own filled with dazzling tears. She swallowed them back before speaking, trying to find just the right words. But when she looked more closely and saw that Robert too was weeping, she rushed to comfort him with the first words that came to mind. "Hey,"she began, reaching up to touch his cheek, then rocking forward to wrap her arms around him, to draw his head to hers, to whisper kisses into his ear. "There's no reason for us to be crying. We have every reason to be happy. And one new one. We're having a baby."  
  
***  
  
Irrational, primal joy swept through him as he fell to his knees before her. He hugged her hard against him, letting his tears gush and his breath come in ragged sobs of uncontrolled exultation. His entire body shook with the thrill of it, with the knowledge that their love had created a new life, that in the intensity of their adoration, they had forged the strongest and deepest of bonds. His sobs turned into laughter as he drew away to look at her, to recognize the new light behind her wide blue eyes. He touched her face almost not believing that these feelings were real, that deep inside this most beautiful of women lived a tiny being, a child that they had made, a child that they would share. Enthralled by this thought he stared at her, her smiling face looked beatific. She was saying something, but he could barely hear through the surges of strong and as yet unnamed emotions that were crashing through him: pride, tenderness, gratitude, surprise, and fierce protectiveness. Through all of this she was murmuring to him, whispered words like "such a beautiful life together," "the most amazing father," "a new little person for us all to love," when suddenly, through his happy tears he saw behind her on the end- table Elizabeth's prescription blood pressure medication, the light of the lamp glowing orange through the plastic bottle.  
  
***  
  
Elizabeth caught Robert's chin in her hand and turned his face back towards hers, but somehow she couldn't make him meet her eyes. "Hey you," she scolded laughingly, "you'd better say something." But when he didn't she changed her strategy, "You know, I'm as suprised as you are. With Ella it took a year of heavy-duty hormone treatments. With you, I guess my hormones just come naturally," she joked. And when he still didn't speak or even look at her, she softened her tone, "It's okay to be scared. I was, too, the first time. Even after waiting and hoping and planning, it's still a strange and serious thing, this..." she broke off when he shook his chin from her hand to finally look her in the eye.  
  
"You're right, Elizabeth," he said to her, his voice shaky and barely controlled, "I am scared. It scares the hell out of me to think that you're even considering doing this. What about me? For God's sake," he said his voice rising out of control, "What about Ella?" Elizabeth's eyes widened in confusion, hurt by the almost angry tone she was unused to hearing from him. "Robert?" she questioned, not sure what was going on.  
  
"Elizabeth," he reasoned, somehow finding the control he'd lost for a moment. "Your last pregnancy was no piece of cake, if I remember correctly. And now you're forty years old and hypertensive and you want to do it all over again? The risks are just too great here. I can't let you do this. You can't do this."  
  
Shock turned to horror as Elizabeth realized what he was telling her to do. "Oh no?" she found herself objecting, her face contorting in an angry grimace, red blotches appearing on her pale skin. She grabbed the sopha cushion and pulled herself to her feet and then began slowly backing away from where Robert was still kneeling on the floor, as if to escape from what he had just said, as if she could slip away and hide from the truth he'd just told her. Then louder and more firmly, "Don't you ever tell me what I can and cannot do. Don't you ever presume to tell me," but her last words were already sobs that she couldn't quite contain. Her shoulders had begun to shake, and she grabbed the back of an armchair to still herself. Robert sprung to his feet to go to her when a little sound behind him stopped him in his tracks. A little whimper from the bottom of the stairs where Ella stood in her pyjamas with a teddy bear clutched under one arm and tears welling in her eyes.  
  
Torn for a moment between the two women he loved, Robert sat down on the sofa and held out his arm for Ella who ran to him and curled up against his left side. They both looked at Elizabeth in silence which was broken by a little gulp and then Ella's whisper to Robert, "Mommy's crying." Without taking his eyes off of Elizabeth, he whispered back, "I know, Ella. Let's tell her to come over to us so that we can make her feel better." And dutifully Ella implored, "Come here, Mommy." Robert just looked at Elizabeth bessechingly while she stood looking down at the floor with huge tears rolling down her cheeks and off of the tip of her nose.  
  
Suddenly, without looking up, Elizabeth went to them, and Robert encircled her with his right arm and drew her into his embrace as Ella pressed her face into her mother's neck, letting go of her teddy bear to hug her. "My two sweet girls," Robert murmured, kissing the tops of their heads "I love you both so much, more than anything." Elizabeth tried to muffle her sobs against his shoulder, but both Robert and Ella knew that her tears hadn't stopped. Ella looked up, her bottom lip trembling in worry as if she would soon start crying again, too, and Robert looked down and pressed a gentle kiss onto her nose, a trick that usually made her giggle but now only elicited a small but serious frown. "Ella," he asked gently, "what should we do to make Mommy stop crying?" His question distracted the child for a minute, and she lay her head against his side again to listen to his heartbeat and think of an answer. After a few moments of quiet, broken only by Elizabeth's labored breathing, Ella moved her mouth to Robert's ear to whisper, "Sing." "Oh," he smiled and nodded. "That works best in your room," he added, and easing his arm from under Elizabeth's shoulder, he picked up Ella and started to carry her upstairs. He turned to look at Elizabeth, still sitting on the couch and smiled again, "Well," he encouraged, "You heard her. Come on!"  
  
And so the three of them went upstairs, following the glow of Ella's pink elephant nightlight into her room, where Robert tucked her in carefully while Elizabeth just watched. When he was done, he sat down on the small bed and patted a place next to him for Elizabeth, who sat down, still silent. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her back against his chest so that they were leaning against the headboard, their heads close to Ella's pillow. Robert looked down over Elizabeth's shoulder at the little girl's face. "Well. Name that tune, Ella," he requested with a little smile in his voice.  
  
"Baby James," Ella suggested. And Robert, who usually had to be begged to sing in front of Elizabeth, started the song without hesitation, his voice soft, strong, reassuring to his two teary-eyed listeners. "There was a young cowboy who lived on the range," he began, and despite herself, Elizabeth smiled at the lyrics and the voice. When Robert got to the chorus, Ella hummed along sleepily. "Well, good night you moonlight ladies, rockabye sweet baby James. Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose, so won't you let me go down in my dreams. And rockabye sweet baby James." Usually, Robert would cheat a little, skip the other verses and just repeat the chorus and Ella would slip into deep green and blue dreams, but this time, he sang the whole song even after she had drifted off, a lullaby for his other listener. When he was done he let the quiet sink around them and just waited, knowing that he had done everything he could for the moment. And just as he was about to wake Ella up to ask for any other suggestions for making her mommy feel better, Elizabeth turned and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Well thank you, my moonlight lady," he whispered, before they both stood up to tiptoe from Ella's bedroom into their own.  
  
*** When they closed the door behind them, Robert sat down on the bed and Elizabeth went into the bathroom to splash some cool water over her hot cheeks and scratchy eyes. When she was done, she turned off the light but somehow couldn't manage to take another step, and as if too tired to do anything else, she leaned against the doorframe.  
  
"Lizzie," Robert began, his reason now tempered with tenderness, but before he could reason with her, Elizabeth interrupted him. "Robert," she said softly but seriously, looking at him with watery eyes washed a lighter blue than before, "I can't talk about this right now. I just can't." And he nodded, went to her and held her. "Let's go to bed," he suggested after a moment even though it was only nine o'clock. And she nodded back, hoping that the exhaustion that had suddenly enveloped her would allow her a deep and dreamless sleep.  
  
***  
  
Despite their disagreement, their bodies agreed to curl into the curve they always formed to fall asleep, Robert on his back and Elizabeth stretched along his right side with her head resting on his chest. During the night, they would roll away from each other and then at different moments find their way back, often waking up in exactly the position in which they had started. It seemed like they'd always been like this, but Robert smiled at the memory of how much she had resisted spending the night with him at first.  
  
She would come over for dinner and when Ella would inevitably fall asleep on the sofa, he'd try to persuade Elizabeth to stay, only to find himself carrying the sleeping child out to the car and kissing Elizabeth good night in the driveway. When he'd go to her place, they'd put Ella to bed and then go to bed themselves, but in the end she would toss and turn and hint that she'd sleep better alone. He didn't force the issue, but every so often he'd try to leave a sweater or a tie at her house, only to find it later neatly folded on the table by the door so that he wouldn't forget to take it home with him the next time. Oh well, he'd think, we're seeing each other almost every day. I can't ask for much more than this. But he wanted more. He laughed at himself then, a man who had never wanted a wife or a family. Now, he was ready to give up his freedom, his space, his time to spend it cleaning up Ella's high chair or loading the dishwasher with Elizabeth.  
  
Then one night when he hadn't expected to see them, they showed up on his doorstep, Elizabeth looking slightly dazed and Ella looking a bit confused herself. Robert reached out to take Ella from her arms, seeing that Elizabeth was barely able to support her daughter's weight. "Can we stay here tonight?" Elizabeth asked as they walked into the living room together. Robert turned, surprised at the question but also that she would think she'd have to ask. "Okay," he trailed, then joked, "But just tonight!" When Elizabeth didn't laugh he looked at her, but she just shook her head slightly and took Ella back. "I'll put her down in the guest room, then," she stated, and then turned and went to do just that. Robert stood in the doorway, watching Ellizabeth rub her daughter's back and repeat that everything was going to be alright, but the sound of her voice told him she wasn't totally convinced.  
  
When she stood up Robert stood aside, letting her pass. She seemed almost not to notice him until he cleared his throat. "Rough night?" he asked. Elizabeth continued into his kitchen, poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge, sat down at the table, and put her head in her hands. "Hey," he said coming up behind her and carefully placing his hand on her shoulder. But he felt her muscles tighten before he could say anything else. Sometimes he wondered if she even liked him. But then he'd think about those moments when they made love, and he knew that when she let go of her doubts, when they both did for that matter, they could open themselves to each other completely.  
  
So he sat down, slid the glass of water over to himself, picked it up and drank half of it. He slid it back to her, and mechanically she picked it up and drank the rest. He got up to get the pitcher, placed it on the table between them, and sat back down. After a stifled sigh, she was ready to talk.  
  
"My house burned down," she said simply. And when he sat speechless, she continued, "The insurance company said they'd pay for the hotel, but it was so late, and Ella was getting tired, and I just thought ." "Elizabeth!" Robert interrupted, "Of course you should be here! What happened? Was anyone hurt?" he spurted leaning toward her with instinctive concern as if to begin examining her for burns or bruises.  
  
"N-no," she inched away and continued, "It happened this afternoon. Chris and Ella were at the park. She called me at work. Chris, I mean. We're all okay. We're fine," she insisted, but suddenly the feelings she'd been holding in all day in front of her daughter, in front of the nieghbors, in front of the firemen, came loose, and her words started coming out like hiccups between sobs, "It's not the house, really, although it was a beautiful house, I came back from England for that house, but it was all of our life inside it, Mark's life, our memories, oh God," and suddenly she put her hand over her mouth as if she shouldn't have said those last words in front of Robert. But strangely he smiled at her, scooted his chair closer and just leaned his head against hers, until their foreheads were touching. They were so close she couldn't see his eyes. "Elizabeth. You'll always have those memories," he said quietly, and she collapsed into him, finally allowing herself to cry and him to comfort her.  
  
The next day Elizabeth went to the insurance agent while Chris played with Ella in Robert's backyard and Robert felt helpless. He'd taken the day off to do something, but there was nothing she'd let him do. So while she was out, he went on-line, found Mark's ex-wife and e-mailed her.  
  
That evening, after a grim and almost silent dinner interrupted only by Ella's giggles at being able to feed her peas to Gretel under the table without the grown-ups seeming to mind, Robert picked up the toddler to wash the doggy drool off of her fingers. "Pyjamas and bed?" he asked Elizabeth as he did. But she smiled and shook her head. "Actually, we're going to the Doubletree. The insurer booked me a suite, and it's close to the hospital." Robert was too surprised to speak for a minute, and the hurt he felt was so sharp that it brought tears to his eyes. He turned back to drying Ella's chubby fingers and to hide his face, but managed in a low voice to say, his back still turned, "You know that's not necessary. You know you can stay here as long as you want." And when he didn't hear a response he added, "You know I like having you two here." Elizabeth rose and stood behind him, wrapping an arm around his neck and kissing his cheek, "We like it here, too, Robert, it's just.... Well, with the nanny and Ella, it's just a lot to ask of you. And besides, Ella and I are independent women. We're used to being on our own." Robert shrugged, accepting momentary defeat, but he was determined to invite her to stay every night until she did.  
  
A week went by of a funny sort of after-dinner dialogue. Sometimes Robert would think he'd won when Elizabeth would let Ella fall asleep on the couch. They would sneak upstairs to the bedroom and make love with an almost panicked intensity as if they didn't know when they would see each other again. "Stay," he would moan as he held her still throbbing body against his, "Stay with me." But Elizabeth would smile and shake her head. "You can have whichever side of the bed you want. I'll make pancakes for breakfast," he cajoled, thinking that bargaining was more manly than begging, but she laughed at him and said, "I like it when you're hungry for me. I want to keep things this way." And Robert groaned in frustration, watching her carefully collect her clothes, her earrings, her shoes and then every one of Ella's things from downstairs before taking the child to the car.  
  
But Robert had a plan. He started with a nightlight, then a music box, then a few stuffed toys, then a mobile with zoo animals all for the upstairs guest room. Ella's room, he thought. The next time she fell asleep on the couch, he carried her up and tucked her in under a new pink patchwork quilt, propping her head against new down pillows. When Elizabeth frowned, he didn't retort. When Elizabeth was ready to leave, she picked up her daughter gently so as not to wake her, but Ella stubbornly clung to the quilt, and as Elizabeth tried to pry her little fists free, the child woke up. "Time to go home, Ella," Elizabeth reminded. "No!" objected the child as Robert tried to mask a smile. "Ella!" Elizabeth warned. "No!" replied the girl and Robert saw very clearly that Ella had inherited all of Elizabeth's stubbornness and then some. "Very well then," Elizabeth tried, "I'm just going home myself. You can stay here. All alone." The threats that usually worked like a charm were somehow not effective in this comfy pink room where Ella did feel right at home. She looked at Robert, who'd come to be a very familiar presence, and asked, "You stay?" He couldn't help but laugh as Elizabeth's cheeks were reddening with anger at being tricked by him in this way. "Alright," she told Ella, "you can sleep here tonight, but just this once, okay. Don't get too comfortable," she warned.  
  
And she stepped out, closed the door three-quarters of the way and glowered at Robert. "You are so low," she began, "using a child in that way." But his quick right hand went for her ribs and he tickled a smile out of her, whispering "Gotcha! Admit it! I finally got my way!" "So you think you're going to have your way with me now too?" Elizabeth replied with an arched eye-brow, barely suppressing a grin. "Hmmm," Robert hummed as his hand moved under her blouse, as he pressed her to him, and backed them into the bedroom.  
  
That night, he savored her. He wanted to show her how good it could be if they could take their time. All night, for instance. And he knew from the sounds she made, the soft moans, the aching, muted cries, the low crooning of his name, that he was pleasing her in new and deeper ways than ever before.  
  
But the next day, after a hurried breakfast, she announced that she had to meet the realtor, to see a house for rent near a good preschool, not too far from an el station. Robert's frowned deepened when she mentioned the name of the el stop, on the other side of town from his house. He choked back his objection, knowing that he could only push her so far. Last night had been an exception to a rule that she seemed to have. A rule about not getting too close too fast. Maybe she'd been watching Oprah, he thought. Maybe it was this codependency thing that he'd kept hearing about on afternoon TV when he'd been channel surfing during the worst days of his recovery. Maybe he should have watched one of those ridiculous shows after all.  
  
That evening, when he got home from work, a package awaited him on the doorstep. He picked it up and put it in a closet that he never used just before Elizabeth and Ella came home.  
  
"How was the house?" he asked, unable to control himself, even though he didn't really want to hear that they had loved it. "Dark. And over- priced. And there are no spaces in that pre-school until Ella's ready for university,"Elizabeth added sourly. "Well, take your time," Robert comforted her, trying not to sound too pleased. And with Ella busily greeting Gretel, Elizabeth edged over to Robert who had been pretending to go through his mail, stood behind him so that her arms could encircle his chest, and leaned in to kiss his ear. "Can we stay here again tonight? Just one more night? I know it's an imposition, but Ella loves the mobile, and..." He turned to her with the bills still in his hand, and muffled her mouth with a kiss which, after its initial intensity, he continued for several minutes, gently nibbling at her lips, sliding his tongue against hers, murmuring little intimate expressions against her mouth as an invitation to the activities they would enjoy later that evening. When he eased away he almost sighed, but quickly covering his satisfaction, he managed to look at the bills and shake his head. "I don't know. I mean you're using a lot of water for those long baths, and..." She playfully swatted the papers out of his hand and hugged him. "What are you making me for dinner?" she teased.  
  
The next morning, as they lay in bed, unable to stop touching each other but knowing that they had to, to get up, get ready, go, Elizabeth finally relented. "If it's all the same to you," she purred, "I could stay here until I find a house. I mean," she gasped as he stroked a particularly sensitive spot underneath her breast with the tip of his tongue, "the bed in the hotel is comfortable, but the room service is not nearly as good as it is here." With that she slid down so that they were eye to eye and so that every other part of their bodies was perfectly aligned, and they made love quickly but thoroughly one last time before she really did have to go.  
  
A few nights later, Elizabeth had to work a late shift. That morning she mentioned it to Robert and asked if he'd be uncomfortable with the nanny staying in the downstairs guest room. He looked at her puzzled. Then swallowed. "Elizabeth. Ella and I will be fine tonight. Without a babysitter. I mean, I'll be the babysitter. If you'll trust me." Elizabeth frowned. Robert and Ella got along well, really well, but all night? What about her bath, what about her lullaby? But then she really heard Robert's last words. He was asking for her trust. Should she tell him that she wasn't quite there yet? Should she hurt him today when tonight or tomorrow at the latest she had to tell him that she'd found a new place to live, that she and Ella would be leaving? "Okay," she agreed, "Okay," and she was rewarded by a wide grin and a deep blush of happiness that spread over Robert's features.  
  
When Elizabeth walked through the front door late that night or rather early the next morning, after a night of phone calls which reassured her while irritating Robert, she was surprised to see him asleep on the couch with scissors and glue and construction paper piled on the coffee table next to him. She sat beside him, reassured not to see any other signs of destruction wreaked by her toddler, and shook his shoulder to wake him. "You fell asleep," she explained to his somewhat confused expression, "over your art project," she teased.  
  
He sat up and stretched a little. At his feet, she noticed something, a corner of a book peeking out from under the sofa, and reached for it. "Not so fast," he scolded, grabbing her hand. But he reached for it himself. "Ella conked out on me at eight, so I had to find something to do. Believe me, scissors and glue can keep a one-armed man busy all night long." He set the red-leather album down on Elizabeth's knees. She opened it to see the first page, a full-sized picture of her and Mark holding baby Ella at the hospital. She gasped. That picture had been destroyed in the fire. She turned the pages to see pictures from her wedding, pictures of Ella's birthdays, pictures of Mark from his youth through the last days of his life. "Where, where?" she asked, a little stunned. "You remember that slightly troublesome teenaged daughter Green has?" Robert said slowly, worried that he had maybe crossed a boundary, done too much. "Robert!" she exclaimed, clutching the album with both hands. He held his breath, scared to say another word. Was she angry, upset? She placed the album down on the coffee table, then, slowly flipped through the pages to a picture of Mark holding a newborn Ella. The shot framed the baby's tiny red body, held delicately by Mark's two hands. "That's my favorite," Elizabeth breathed softly. Then she turned to Robert and kissed him gently, letting her lips rest slightly open against his for a long time before she found the words. "Thank you," she whispered and then stood up, picked up the book carefully with one hand and took Robert's by the other and led him to bed.  
  
And after that night, there was no more talk of her ever leaving again. 


	2. chapter 2

Elizabeth woke up in darkness. She turned slightly to look at the glowing face of the alarm clock. 3:15 am. As her eyes adjusted to the lack of light, she turned back to Robert. He was lying on his back, his right arm folded over his chest his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Elizabeth picked up his arm and slid herself under it so that she could press her cheek against his shoulder, safely encircled. Robert's gentle fingers traced a tickly pattern over her hip, making her wriggle a little and sigh. She inched up so that their faces were closer and so that his hand could find just the right spot to stroke on the inside of her thigh. When he found her favorite rhythm, she moaned her contentment. She arched her back, encouraging him, but he suddenly stopped, froze, and pulled away. She heard a loud swallow as he fought for control of his desire over on the far edge of the bed. "Robert?" she questioned, emerging slowly and disappointedly from her transe.  
  
"You know I want to, Lizzie," be began, haltingly, "but there's so much happening here. I can't." She bit her lip to stifle a protest and just nodded, reaching out for him all of the same. And he couldn't resist her sad little expression, her delicate fingers and forearms stretched towards him. He half-growled and grabbed her up and held her close, kissing her hair fiercely and possessively. He moved his face away from hers a little to look at her face, then he moved his body away just a bit to look at her body. With one finger he traced a line between her breasts and then over her belly, finally wrapping his hand around the small of her back to draw her to him again. Burying his face in her hair, he whispered, "You're really pregnant?"  
  
She nodded and made a little sound between a yes and a whimper, and suddenly his mouth was pressing against hers, his hand on her lower back was moving her towards him, their bodies were melting into one another, he was inside her and moving gently, carefully, rocking against her slowly if not to wake the child sleeping within. "Hmmm" she moaned as his fingers stroked her ear, her lips, her throat, then her breasts, before his mouth moved down to join their tender motion. He loves us, she thought triumphantly.  
  
And she reached down to thread her arms through his, to pull him up towards her and deeper into her. Gazing into his dark eyes, Elizabeth smiled and nodded, assuring Robert that she was feeling exactly what he was, that this was real and good and true. An unusually powerful surge of emotion took Robert by surprise so that he gasped and lost his balanced and fell away down onto his side, eyes wide with astonishment at the incredibly strong sensation he had just experienced.  
  
Elizabeth turned to him and laughed, stroking his face with her hand and closing his still-open mouth with her fingers, "You were looking at me as if you'd never seen me!" she teased. He swallowed, "Well," he began slowly, "I've never seen you quite like this. Your eyes..." he trailed. He didn't want to start with the old clichés about the radiance of a pregnant woman, but Elizabeth looked as if she was lit up from the inside, like she was aglow with warmth, with an inner light that made him want to be so close to her, to be inside her, that drew him to her like...a bug. He laughed aloud at his thought. "What?" she asked irritatedly swatting at his cheek. He just chuckled and shook his head before pulling her into a hug.  
  
Holding her, he thought about how happy he was at this moment, and how the idea that there might not be an endless series of moments like this to light up his nights was a dark and scary prospect indeed. But would he take away her happiness to assure his own?  
  
And how could he persuade her against having this baby that he too was beginning to love and want? His desire for her that night was uncontrollable despite his best efforts, it was an instinctive desire to possess the mother of his child, to greet the new life inside of her, to bring pleasure and joy to the woman he loved. To express his amazement at what was happening to her, what was happening in their lives. Lying next to her in bed, the deepest natural urges of his body had been stronger than all of the arguments he'd been turning over in his mind while she'd been sleeping, his irrepressible desire -- to touch the delicate silky skin of her breasts and belly just beginning to stretch almost imperceptibly against the push of life burgeoning from within, to savor the warmth of her, to be inside the source of that life -- had been stronger than any resolve to remain rational about their situation. Despite himself, he had shown her that he desired not only her but this child, that he desperately and deeply wanted her to be pregnant with his baby, even though the thought of losing not just the child but the mother terrified him.  
  
Looking at her there, stretched out slim and languid with her long auburn curls twisting over her neck and shoulders and tickling her breasts, he strangled back a cry. He was torn between an urge to protect her and an urge to give in to what she wanted: to share each moment of the next months with her, to watch their baby being born, to hold it to its mother's breast for the first time, to be part of a new life from the very beginning. To be part of Elizabeth's life forever. 


	3. chapter3

Robert felt a wet, tickly sensation against his toes and woke up laughing. Gretel was at the end of the bed, licking his left foot and Ella was standing next to her giggling softly. "Come here, you!" Robert whispered, and Ella clambered up onto the bed and inched her way up so that she could give Robert a good morning kiss on the nose. As Gretel looked like she was thinking about doing the same, Robert gave her a serious look and scolded, "Now you know you're not allowed up here anymore. Elizabeth gets jealous when I let you kiss me. Oh, okay, just a quick one," and at his smile, Gretel ran up to the side of the bed, put her two paws up onto the pillow and gave both Robert and Ella big wet kisses on the nose, mouth and ears. "Ewww!" giggled Ella, as Robert slid out of bed, and she followed him to the bathroom, where they washed off the doggy slobber before padding their way downstairs to breakfast, leaving Elizabeth to sleep in.  
  
Later that morning, Elizabeth rolled over to look at the clock, saw the late hour and rolled back to look for Robert. At the same moment, she heard peals of laughter ringing up from the garden, as Ella ran to show Robert some new discovery with Gretel barking and leaping excitedly at her heels. Elizabeth shook her head and smiled and then was surprised to find herself choking up. She thought she had gotten used to how happy Ella and Robert were with each other, but every so often her amazing good fortune still stunned her. After all, how many times had she overlooked this man? Granted, he was a head shorter than her and easy to overlook, well if it weren't for his booming voice and powerful presence that seemed to say "notice me" in any situation he was in. Most of the people they worked with still considered him impossible, and Elizabeth had to admit that the changes in his life over the last year still hadn't changed his Napoleonic leadership style at work. Still, if they could see him with Ella, playing with puppets or singing songs.... All of the sudden she gasped and moved a hand down to her abdomen. It couldn't possibly be, not yet, it was much too early for her to feel something, but.... She shook her head again. She was probably just hungry. So she put on a robe and went downstairs.  
  
Before going out to the patio, she opened the door to the fridge. She smiled again. Robert was so surprisingly domestic. She found waiting for her a tray with freshly made fruit salad, fresh squeezed juice, and a bowl of yogurt with granola on the side. She pulled it out and set it on the counter and then grabbed a mug from the rack before reaching for the coffeepot. Next to it, she saw an unaccustomed canister. Robert had made her decaf.  
  
When she made it outside, and set the tray down on the table, she saw that Ella was busy digging around in her sandbox under the willow tree and Robert was snoozing with the newspaper across his legs. As usual, he had brought out a big tube of extra-strong sunscreen, which he had slathered on Ella , but he had of course forgotten to put some on himself. Although she didn't want to wake him from his nap, she couldn't resist squeezing some of the cool lotion onto the top of his head. "Hey!" he objected, but in a voice that told her that he hadn't ever really been asleep. She laughed and reached back up to massage the lotion into his skin. He closed his eyes obediently as she slowly rubbed ever-widening circles. When she got to his ears, he was so relaxed he was almost asleep for real this time, but suddenly Ella and Gretel came bounding over with some treasure to show.  
  
Robert and Elizabeth oohed and ahhhed over a blue rubber ball with a yellow monkey painted on it, and when Ella and Gretel ran off to play with it, Elizabeth quirked her eyebrows. Robert grinned proudly, "I do believe that I have found a way to keep both of our girls busy. Ever since we got the sand box, I can give Gretel things to bury, and then Ella can take her little shovel and dig them up." "Are you recycling doggie toys on my daughter?" Elizabeth demanded indignantly, but when she saw Robert looking guilty she laughed, "She seems happy, though, doesn't she?" And they both looked at Ella tumbling around with Gretel, who treated the toddler like the puppy she never had.  
  
"I want you to be happy, too," Robert began seriously. Elizabeth's smile started to fade as he continued, "I'll do whatever you want," he promised, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. "I just want you to think about what it is that you do want. I just need you to be sure." "Oh Robert," Elizabeth sighed, looking over at Ella. "I....I...." but before she could finish, she heard voices calling her name and Ella's and then saw her friend Louise appear around the side of the house with her daughter Lexie in tow.  
  
***  
  
Later that afternoon, Robert was in his study, reading reports and analyzing some new lab results on a patient, when Ella bolted through the door and behind the desk, almost falling over Gretel who was sleeping at his feet before jumping into his lap. Her little body was shaky with emotion as she looked up at him, her huge eyes brimming with tears. "What is it my sweetheart?" he asked her softly, stroking her pink cheek and nose with his thumb. She shook her head and kept her mouth tightly shut, but as it opened in a little hiccup, she buried her face against his shoulder and clamped her arms around his neck. He just decided to let her cry for a minute, rubbing her back until the crescendo of hiccups died down to slow, rhythmic breaths. She drew her head away and looked at him with an expression, so open and trusting, that reminded him so much of Elizabeth he thought he might cry too. She leaned in a little so that he could give her a kiss and then she laid her head back down against his chest, letting him continue to console her with murmured words. "There's no reason in the world for you to be unhappy, my darling. Mommy loves you. Gretel loves you. And you know that I love you." At this last, Ella wrapped her arms around his neck once again, tightening her grip. "Now, Ella, my buttercup," he murmured into her silky hair, but just then Elizabeth walked into the room.  
  
She came to the desk and sat down on it, leaning toward them to whisper, "Now Ella, Lexie and Louise and I are having a snack in the kitchen. Won't you come and join us?" Ella just held tight to Robert and shook her head without looking up. Robert looked at Elizabeth quizzically, but she shrugged to show that she didn't understand it either. "Well then, maybe I'll leave some cookies on a plate for you and Robert, and you can come out a little later, okay?" Elizabeth compromised. Ella didn't move, but Elizabeth bent forward and kissed her head. She should probably insist that Ella be a better hostess, but she was more confused than angry. Ella was usually playful and cooperative with other children despite the few opportunities she had to be with them, so Elizabeth decided that she must just be in a sensitive mood. After all, she could probably sense that there was something going on with her and Robert. Even self-involved Louise had noticed. She gave up, got up and with a kiss to Robert's head she left them.  
  
Ella heard her go and finally let go of Robert's collar and moved into the crook of his arm where she could lean back and look up at him. She looked calmer now, so he thought he might try to start figuring out the reason for this sudden storm. "What about a little smile for me, my sunshine?" he requested, and she smiled through the last of her tears, and then as if that weren't enough, she reached up and gave him a squeeze around the shoulders and then a big kiss on the forehead before settling back against his right arm. Robert grinned. Ella grinned. He leaned down and blew against her neck and ear til she giggled like her sunny little self again. Then more seriously, Robert whispered, "So, my sweetheart, what happened there?" She looked down at her feet and remained silent. "Ella?" he pushed gently. But then changing his mind, he sighed, "I just want you to be happy always." He hugged her to him, wishing as he often did, that he had another arm so that he could really hold her, so that somehow he might make her feel entirely safe. He smiled to himself. He used to wish he had that other hand for surgery, now he missed it when he needed to tie Ella's shoes or to give her a bath.  
  
"Wobuht," she whispered. "Yes, my love," he encouraged. She moved away though to sit on his knees with her back against the edge of his desk. She reached out her little inquisitve fingers towards his left shoulder, grabbing his empty sleeve. She held it up and looked him in the eye. "Why?" she asked.  
  
***  
  
Later that afternoon when the guests had left and Elizabeth was putting Ella down for a nap, Robert was pacing the living room. When she came back downstairs she waited for him to finish his loop and face her before going to him and putting her arms around him. "Kids," she sighed. "Yeah," he said softly and a bit gruffly, shaking his head, knowing that for as long as he were a part of Ella's life, there would be the same questions, the same teasing about his arm. He didn't mind it for himself, but he hated for Ella to suffer any sort of cruelty, especially because of him. He wondered what she'd told Elizabeth. He had only been able to piece together that Lexie had taunted her in the sandbox. Well, at least the other child's fear of him had not infected Ella, who seemed only intent on making sure that he was alright and that his arm didn't hurt. He smiled then. She was a sweetheart, really. Like her mother.  
  
Elizabeth looked up and seeing the cloudy expression on his face, dragged him over to the couch, where she pulled him against her. They stretched out then, her feet rubbing his, his head nestled between her breasts. "Comfortable?" she laughed. "Oh sorry," he realized, but she pulled him back down. "You're fine there, honestly."  
  
"So," she continued, "I hope I didn't overstep my bounds or anything just now." "What?" he turned to look up at her. "You know," she continued, "I don't think Ella's conscious of having lost Mark, but she does know that there was a time before you were part of her life. It's only natural that she's afraid of losing you." "What!" he blurted and sat up straight. Elizabeth looked at him strangely but then smiled and stroked his cheek, "I thought she had told you," Elizabeth answered. "Lexie told her that people needed both of their arms to live. She, um, she" Elizabeth eyes were filling up with tears and her expression reminded Robert of Ella's just a few hours earlier. "She told Ella that you were going to leave. That you were going to die. I mean," she continued hurriedly, "she's just four years old, Lexie, she didn't mean to scare Ella, and it took me an hour with Ella and a phone call to Louise to figure this out, but I think everything's okay now, I mean...." Robert arms were around Elizabeth, and he was rocking her as she mumbled, "I mean, I promised her that you'd never, of course you'll never leave us, never leave Ella, of course we could never do that to her." 


	4. chapter4

After a quiet dinner and their hundredth viewing of the Aladdin video, Ella, Elizabeth and Robert decided to turn in early. They tucked Ella in together, and gazing at her sweet face, her eyes closed and fine blonde eyelashes fluttering over rosy cheeks as she breathed sleepily, neither parent wanted to leave. They just stood there, Robert leaning against the doorframe, Elizabeth leaning against Robert.  
  
Finally they decided to go at just the same moment. They changed out of their clothes and turned out all of the lights but Robert's reading lamp and got under the covers together. Robert snuggled Elizabeth close and reminded her, "Early day tomorrow,"and clicked off the light. Those words usually meant that they would try to get to sleep without further ado, but Elizabeth reached over and turned the light back on, propping herself onto her elbow to face him. "Robert," she said, "I've thought about things," she swallowed, "and I'll schedule, I mean, unless you don't want me to...." She couldn't bring herself to say any more and collapsed onto his chest to stifled her sobs. He rubbed her back for a minute until she caught her breath, lifted her head and looked at him. "I promised Ella that we'd both always be here for her. How can I break that promise?" she asked querulously. He nodded his quiet approval, but she still didn't look totally convinced. She lay her head back down against him and he stroked her hair as she tried not to cry. "There's no right decision here," he said in a low voice. "There's only what we need to do. Not what we want. Know that I don't want this," his voice cracked, "but that I accept it. We have to."  
  
Hearing how hard it was for him too, Elizabeth sighed, relieved a little to know that she was not facing this pain alone. Robert slid down on the bed to face her, to stroke her face and kiss her. "I'll be with you," he promised.  
  
***  
  
Two days later, in a private room, Elizabeth shivered in a hospital gown while Robert sat next to her on the bed with his arm around her. After a knock, Jan Collins came in with a portable ultrasound. She frowned and explained, "I just need to know how far along you are, to be absolutely sure that this is the right way to go." Robert had slid off of the bed and stood beside Elizabeth, who had not even acknowledged her doctor except that she had started to cry silent, slow tears. She pulled her legs onto the bed and pulled aside the gown. Robert looked away until he started to hear the beeps of the machine which despite himself drew his gaze. Elizabeth, too, with a doctor's or a mother's reflex, had turned her eyes to the screen. "Oh my god," she gasped. Jan quickly switched it off. "It looks like you're further along than we thought." she said, "We're going to have to change our approach," she added. "Maybe you need a minute."  
  
Elizabeth was gulping in irregular breaths, practically hyperventilating. Robert waved Jan away as he moved back onto the bed to comfort her. When they were alone, neither could find words. Until finally Elizabeth started, "How could I not know? But then..." She trailed off. He swallowed loudly.  
  
Elizabeth made a motion as if to reach for something, and completing the gesture Robert grabbed the ultrasound from the counter. "Are you sure?" he asked. But he knew that neither could resist. She held the little monitor and turned it on while he moved the sensor to the spot where Jan had been holding it. Suddenly the little screen was filled with a tiny body, a boy. Elizabeth grabbed Robert's shoulder. He just held himself steady, breathing a little quickened. After a minute, he moved away the sensor, laid it on the sheet, and took the screen from Elizabeth's trembling hands.  
  
"Oh......" she faltered.  
  
When Jan came back in, Elizabeth was lying in Robert's arms, and they were quietly staring into each other's eyes. "Any thoughts?" Jan asked.  
  
"Well,"Robert began, "we all know that a surgical alternative is about as risky for her as the pregnancy, so....." He sighed hard. "I guess we're going home." 


	5. chapter 5

When the door opened, they were met by the scent of curry and the sound of laughter. Rajiv greeted Robert with a hug, and a warm "Hello, my brother!" kissed Elizabeth on the cheek and then kneeled down to talk to Ella. "What have you got there? For me?" he teased, pretending to take the giftwrapped box from her. Ella shook her head sternly, "For Sanjay," she insisted, hugging the box to her possessively. "I see," Rajiv nodded. "You're making me very jealous, Miss Ella. You come to my house with a gift for my son but not even a kiss for me," he pouted dramatically, sticking out his lower lip. Ella giggled at Rajiv's exagerrated expression playing peekabo with her host over the ribbons on the present before giving in and giving him a kiss.  
  
"Alright, you may come in. Oh, you too, Robert, Elizabeth," he beckoned with a laugh. "Rajiv!" his wife admonished from behind him from somewhere inside.  
  
Ella followed Rashmi's voice into the living room filled with families: children climbing over chairs, adults eating and talking. Rashmi greeted Ella with a kiss and took the box from her hands. "Let's put this in the bedroom for now," she began, prying the box from Ella's grip. "When it's time for presents, you can give it to Sanjay yourself." Ella relinquished the box reluctantly as Elizabeth stifled a smile. Her daughter had only played with Rajiv's children twice before, but she had already developed a little crush on his oldest son, the birthday boy.  
  
"Ella!" cried Lakshmi, one of Rajiv's two daughters. "Come watch the movie!" And Ella was off to play with the other children without even so much as a goodbye to Elizabeth and Robert.  
  
***  
  
The only white woman in the room, a head taller than the others, red curls flying, Elizabeth felt slightly out of place at the party. But then she looked over at Robert talking to Rajiv on the couch. Both short and bald, they looked like brothers, except that Rajiv was just a browner and jollier version of Robert. Actually, with his friend, Robert laughed quite a lot. Talking to Rajiv, he relaxed, opened up in a way that Elizabeth had rarely seen him do. Seeing him so himself, a self that he most often hid from others, was worth any sort of awkwardness Elizabeth might feel as an outsider in this family group. And of course, Rashmi's amazing cooking made up for a lot as well, she thought as she accepted another heaping plate of Indian delicacies from one of the her hostess's sisters.  
  
***  
  
As he and Rajiv talked -- medicine, politics, music -- Robert lost track of the time, but he looked up when he heard among the oohs and ahhs (some new birthday toy?) Ella's little voice calling "Mommy! Mommy!" Elizabeth had emerged from the bedroom with Rashmi and her sister who had finally figured out how to help her fit in. They had dressed her in a gorgeous ivory- colored sari with a purple sash, topped off with gold bracelets and glittering gold candelabra style earrings. Robert broke into a broad grin. When her eyes met his, Elizabeth's smile turned into a laugh.  
  
"Well, well!" Rajiv commented. "Indeed!" Robert nodded.  
  
Suddenly, Elizabeth was surrounded by all of the women in the room, commenting on her new look, adjusting a fold of fabric, adding a bracelet, offering another pair of earrings. Robert could barely see her and shrugged his defeat. He was not about to get in the middle of this makeover. Ella toddled over to him a bit confused by all of the fuss around her mother. He picked her up, but even so neither could see Elizabeth over the crowd around her. "What do you think of Mommy's new dress?" he asked with a smile and a wink. "Pretty!" Ella piped. "Purple!" "That's my girl," Robert kissed her proudly.  
  
"Alright!" Rashmi announced in an effort to save Elizabeth from the suffocating attention of her new friends. "Time for presents and cake!"  
  
Ella wriggled out of Robert's arms to get her gift ready for Sanjay and Robert made his way to Elizabeth, circling her waist with his arm and pulling her into a corner. "You look outrageously beautiful right now," he confided, kissing her lips very softly so as not smudge the fresh coat of lipstick Rashmi had applied. Elizabeth laughed, wiping a trace of red from Robert's lower lip. He nipped playfully at her finger and she giggled.  
  
"Hey you two!" Rajiv called. "Cut it out!" And as her new friends, including Rajiv's seventy-year-old mother, stared at Elizabeth, she blushed almost as purple as her sash. "Rajiv," Rashmi scolded again. "Mommy!" Ella called impatiently. In the crush of cousins, all louder and taller than she, Ella was having trouble attracting Sanjay's attention to her present.  
  
Elizabeth went over to the children and sat down, pulling a frustrated and probably over-tired Ella onto her lap. "He's just saving the best for last," she whispered into Ella's ear, stroking her soft blonde hair reassuringly.  
  
And indeed, unfailingly sweet, Sanjay came over to them. "So Ella," he said softly, "is that for me?" Ella blushed like her mother had and nodded, speechless with infatuation for this quiet eight-year-old. She thrust the box to him and he unwrapped it carefully. Inside was a baseball signed by one of the Cubs' most promising rookies. Robert had called Rajiv a few weeks before to decide what to get for Sanjay, and this gift had given the two friends a good excuse to spend the afternoon at a baseball game. Sanjay carefully read the signature, smiled, and said graciously to Ella, "Thanks Ella. He's my favorite Cub. Who do you like?" Ella just looked at him in awe as Elizabeth tried to control her smile at the serious little interchange. Before Ella melted into a puddle of admiration, Sonia, another sister, announced cake and Sanjay dropped the ball back into the box, grabbed Ella's hand, and pulled her from Elizabeth's lap and back to the crowd of kids.  
  
Once the candles were blown out, songs were sung, and everyone was served their slice of cake, the grownups retired to the dining room for coffee. Rashmi handed Elizabeth a cup with a knowing look, adding, "It's decaf." Before Elizabeth could ask any questions, the oldest daughter came in to talk to whisper something into her mother's ear. "Okay," Rashmi agreed with a smile.  
  
"Lakshmi likes to play mommy to the little ones. She's putting the sleepier kids down for a nap in her room," she explained to Elizabeth. Elizabeth wasn't sure how Ella would react to a nap in a strange bed and frowning a little she got up to check on the situation. When she found the right bedroom, Ella was already fast asleep, snuggled under a blanket on a big canopy bed between two other kids, her blonde head gleaming against their shiny brown ones. Elizabeth smiled. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Rajiv. "She'll be happy to have a little brother to play with," he grinned. 


	6. chapter 6

Robert had tucked in both of his girls before going back down to his study to read over the new protocols he would be presenting to his team the next day. After a few final revisions, he sighed, shrugged and smiled, thinking about his two sweet dreamers. He imagined Elizabeth's face as it looked when she slept: smooth, white, gently curving smile, softly parted lips. He switched off the lamp and started upstairs, tiptoeing as he got to the top.  
  
When he entered the bedroom he left the door to the hallway open slightly so that the light would shine in just a bit. Slipping off his shoes, he sat down in an armchair in the corner by the window and took of his socks, tossing them noiselessly into the open laundry hamper. He stood up to undo his belt and pull off his Levis, hanging them on a hook inside of the closet. Then the buttons on his shirt, which he flicked open ably with one hand.  
  
Without attracting any attention, Elizabeth had half-opened her eyes to watch Robert undress. She swallowed back a little of the unidentifiable emotion she always had -- pity? pride? -- when she noticed how graceful he was even without his left arm. His movements were deft and smooth as he pulled the shirt from his left shoulder and then let it slip off of his right arm, flicking his wrist to grab the end and toss it like a ball into the laundry basket. Next he shrugged his right arm out of his t-shirt and then ran his hand up palm flat against his chest, to pull the t-shirt up over his head and then gently ease it over his left shoulder.  
  
Elizabeth felt a little guilty as she stole a glance of Robert's body silhouetted against the light from the hall. He rarely let her see his stump, almost always wearing a long-sleeved cotton pyjama top in bed. Even when they made love, she would unbutton the shirt, slide her hands over his chest and onto his shoulders, but never dare to push it off and out of the way, respecting that last limit.  
  
At first, she had even wondered if they could ever really be together. When he would kiss her and her hands would instinctively caress his face and neck and then slip onto his shoulder and arm, he would flinch, as if she had crossed some invisible line, broken a rule, shocked some deep reserve. She knew that he wanted her, that he ached for her, but she also knew that behind that self-assurance he was filled with doubts and fears that she wasn't sure she could ease.  
  
After she had come home from the hospital, once she and her doctor had determined how to control her hypertension, her mother had offered to stay another week so that Elizabeth could take it easy. Elizabeth grinned a little at the thought, since she hadn't been so sure that her mother's company would have a very salutary effect on her blood pressure, but she accepted the gesture nonetheless.  
  
She wondered how Robert would handle Isabelle, and even though she was supposed to stay calm, she was excited at the prospect of their dinner- table debates and then disappointed to find that they had decided on a truce. That week, Robert had come over every night and made fabulous dinners for the four of them, often entertaining Ella in the kitchen while Elizabeth napped and Isabelle paced. During the meals, Robert was charming with Isabelle and playful with Ella while Elizabeth looked on amazed at how he had so easily entered her everyday life. But then, when it was time to go, after he had loaded the dishwasher and kissed Ella goodnight, Elizabeth would walk him out into the front foyer and he would kiss her too, gently at first, but then more hungrily, feeling her desire surge up to meet his. They would close the door to the hall, her back against it and his lips would find hers, his hand would curve around her back and press her to him, their tongues would twist and taste and every so often loosen so that they could stop and look at each other, marveling that they were there together, both flushed and happy and jumpy as two teenagers nervous about being caught in the act.  
  
When Elizabeth would finally let him leave, she would go back into the living room to take her mother's teasing. "Honestly, Elizabeth, you're a grown woman. Invite the man to stay. Do you think I'd really be so shocked?" "No, mother," Elizabeth would answer dutifully and Isabelle would continue, "Even if he is too short for you, and bald, and American, you are two consenting adults." "Yes, mother." And on it would go until Elizabeth would yawn loudly and break in with a goodnight and head up the stairs.  
  
When Isabelle left (mother Isabelle, as Robert teasingly called her), they finally had dinner alone. Well, alone with Ella she thought. Robert never seemed to want Ella to be put to bed early, to be fed her dinner separarely, to be seen but not heard. He figured out which foods were Ella's favorites, he found ways for her to help (or to think she was helping) in the kitchen, and they always seemed to make each other laugh. That night though, Elizabeth decided that Ella should be put to bed as soon as dinner was finished, sweeping her off unceremoniously so that she could only wave good night at Robert over her mother's shoulder as Elizabeth swept her up the stairs.  
  
Then when she came back down and saw Robert clearing up, she stopped him, took his hand and drew him into the living room and onto the couch where finally she could let him press her back against the cushions and kiss her without wondering what her mother was doing in the other room. That evening, Elizabeth's hair was in a braid and as he kissed her Robert played at loosening it with his fingers, tickling her ear and neck as he did. She wanted to beg him to stop, to touch her in other places, to hurry up, but his every caress was so delicious, that as much as she wanted him to hurry, to do something else, something more, she also wanted him to do the same thing over and over again forever. She moaned under his mouth, turrning her head so that his lips could travel over her neck and into the little well where her collar bones met. Robert's fingers followed, gently but confidently unbuttoning her blouse, tickling her seductively so that she gasped as he flicked each button aside. She arched her back and he removed her bra with ease, and then he gasped at the sight of her body, exposed so boldly to him. He was frozen in a sort of stunned wonder, so Elizabeth reached up, to touch him, to slide her hands under his light cotton sweater and pull it off, but as she reached up to his shoulder his whole torso tightened and pulled away from her, his expression changing from desire to anguish. He would have loved to look at her body forever, but he could not bear the thought of her seeing his.  
  
Elizabeth slipped her blouse back on and sat forward, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to her. He rested his head just under her chin and let her pull him back against her as she reclined again against the sofa. "Hmm" she murmured, stroking her fingers across his ear, his cheekbone, his lips. He closed his eyes and let himself melt into the warmth of her for a minute but then as if waking up to reality, he jerked away, sitting up to look at her. He grimaced a little and shook his head. "Oh Lizzie," he sighed in a voice choked with a sob. Then he stood and left.  
  
But Elizabeth persisted and despite himself, Robert couldn't resist her. She kept calling him, inviting him, charming him. After dinner they would find themselves on the couch, hearts pounding, fingers intertwined, his mouth softly melting into hers, when, at just the moment she thought that he would let her in, he would pull away. No matter how careful she was, no matter how slowly and gently she touched him, no matter how torturously long she waited, the moment always seemed to arrive when he would have to leave.  
  
Finally, she decided not even to invite him for dinner but just to invite him over in the middle of the day to talk. She did make tea and kiss him hello when he arrived, but Ella was napping and she had to seize the moment. "Robert," she said, taking his hand as he sat at the kitchen table next to her, "don't you trust me?" she asked with a smile. And his smile darkened to a frown as he understood immediately what she wanted to say. He withdrew his hand from hers and looked down at his fingers. "I love you Elizabeth," he said in a low, serious voice, "and I want the best for you. Let's just, let's just," he stopped and took a breath. As much as she wanted to reassure him, she also wanted to let him say what he was thinking so that somehow she could better combat his fears, calm his doubts. "Lizzie," he continued, taking her hand again, raising it to his lips, "Goodbye." And with a gentle kiss to the back of her hand, he let her go and left.  
  
Elizabeth sat stunned. This man had been chasing her for years and suddenly he had just let go, given up, after she had offered herself to him, after she had finally let him into her life. Was she less interesting to him now that the chase was over, now that he had caught her? She was stung with the ease of this rejection and just watched him leave. She was sickened by the gnawing disappointment in the pit of her stomach. She had imagined that she would reassure him, calm him, and eventually seduce him, that she would easily explain that his injury changed nothing, that she wanted him just as he was. She had fantasized that they would tiptoe up to her bedroom while Ella slept in hers and make love all afternoon or at least until her daughter woke up. She had imagined that all it would take would be her admission, her confession that she wanted him as much as he wanted her, and that he would abandon his defenses and open himself to her desires.  
  
When she heard his car pull away she finally stood up and then picked up his empty teacup and slammed it down. "Damn!" and then she heard Ella and realized that she had wakened her, so she dried the tears of frustration and confusion that had sprung to her eyes and walked slowly upstairs alone.  
  
After a few days of Robert not returning her messages, Elizabeth decided that she had to give it one last try. As hurt as she was by his sudden departure, she knew that he was hurting more, that he was pained by the thought that no one could ever love him now. That's not true, she wanted to scream angrily, but he wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't fight with her, wouldn't touch her, and she realized that she ached for his touch.  
  
She knew that beyond the physical injury to Robert's arm there was a deeper wound that had not had time to heal. "You're taking good care of me," he had sleepily mumbled when she was tending to his arm just after surgery. She wanted to care for him in other ways now, not as a doctor but as a woman, the woman who loved him.  
  
She called Chris to stay with Ella that night and drove over to his place, determined to tell him everything, to tell him how she felt, how she had felt ever since his sleepy admission of love for her months before. She wanted to tell him that she held on to those words, that she murmured them to herself at night when she was alone, that she longed for him to share her nights, that she dreamed of a life where they could take care of each other.  
  
Elizabeth's heart was pounding by the time she parked her car. She bounded out, ran to his door and knocked hard. No anwer, no dog barking. Where was Gretel? Where was Robert? She had an answer to her first question when a dog walker came up behind her with Robert's dog on a leash. "Hi!" Elizabeth exclaimed, reaching out to pet a somewhat distrustful Gretel. "Hi" answered the equally distrustful dogwalker who was obviously not used to Robert receiving visitors. "I'm supposed to meet Robert here, but it looks like he's running late,"Elizabeth lied. "He's stuck at work," the dog walker explained, still not opening the door with the key in his hand. "Well, if you could just let me in, I'll keep Gretel entertained til he gets here," Elizabeth offered. The dogwalker looked doubtful but luckily Gretel decided to cosy up to Elizabeth just then, and Elizabeth remembered that she had half of a sandwich in her open handbag. As she kneeled to sneak a snack to Gretel, she hugged the dog and looked up at the sceptical dogwalker again. "Gretel's still getting used to me. The old girlfriend jealous of the new I guess," she laughed. The dogwalker caved in at this, realizing that Elizabeth was not giving up, and finally let her into the house and left.  
  
Elizabeth decided to wait in the library and curled up on the couch in the bay window with a book. The setting sun allowed her to read without turning on the light, but after a few minutes, her eyes closed and she allowed herself to think about how it would feel if the arm of the couch were Robert's arm, if the cushion were his chest, if she were lying pressed against his body....  
  
Sometime around 2am she woke with a start. Everything was dark, her neck was aching and she wasn't sure where she was. Oh no! She thought, Robert's. And it was the middle of the night. Would she wake him up to explain? Should she just leave? Was he even home?  
  
To answer that question, Elizabeth tiptoed upstairs and pushed open the bedroom door. Moonlight lit the bed and she could see Robert sleeping, lying on his back barechested with the sheet pulled down around his waist. He looked calm and sweet and sexy there, alone on the far side of the bed. Without further reflection, Elizabeth undressed. She stood by the bed, completely naked, her heart fluttering. She grabbed the sheet but then carefully drew it back so as not to wake him, slid underneath and then pulled it back up to her shoulder.  
  
Robert groaned a little as he felt the sheet slide over his skin, but he didn't wake up. Elizabeth let out a breath in relief. But then she she turned to him and draped one leg over his then her arm across his chest pressing her body gently against his. Instinctively, as if he had been dreaming of exactly this, Robert circled her back with his right arm as she circled his neck with her left, sliding herself up so that their lips could meet. He slowly awakened then to her soft but insistent kisses, and when he was finally fully awake it was no longer possible for him to resist her.  
  
"I love you," she whispered into his ear, tasting its pink softness, and Robert shivered a little as he heard her say those words for the first time, but as their bodies locked into an urgent rhythm, their heat finally warmed his lonely heart. 


	7. chapter 7

With baggy scrubs and a billowing lab coat, Elizabeth had been able to hide her situation for quite some time. Spells of nausea and dizziness were blamed on a flu that was going around or a virus that Ella had brought home from daycare. Finally, though, the nurses started noticing the profile of her body, the bump around her once-slim waistline, eyeing each other and then avoiding Elizabeth's eyes.

There was also, of course, Robert. After carefully avoiding the surgical floor for months, he had come up almost every day for the last three weeks, whether he was working at County or not, with a picnic lunch for himself and Elizabeth to share. Elizabeth tried to deter this behavior, but Robert insisted that she sit and eat and rest in the middle of the day as if she hadn't survived her last pregnancy between carry-out orders and cafeteria food.

When he kissed her goodbye before going back to his office, he would bring her hand to his lips and gently kiss the palm, then press it against her belly, sending his love to their baby through her. This sweet gesture touched Elizabeth's heart as well, and she would find herself tearing up soon after he had left, thinking of his unfailing devotion.

In one of these moments, she had to sit back down in the lounge, trying to regain composure, to contain her emotions and stop her tears before the next scheduled surgery. But she found that she couldn't, and at the risk of running late she gave herself an extra few minutes to breathe deeply and let it all out. Finally, after two unanswered pages to Elizabeth, Shirley had to come in to find her. When she saw Dr. Corday, tears streaming down her cheeks but smiling nonetheless, looking off dreamily out of the window, she smiled too. "Dr. Corday," she said softly, handing her a box of tissues, "the patient's been on the table for ten minutes."

"Oh," sputtered Elizabeth, "I'm sorry. I just, Robert just, oh nothing!" But as she tried to get up, Elizabeth fell back a little against the chair and grasped its arm for balance, realizing that her center of gravity was starting to be a bit off. She noticed, too, that Shirley was watching her intently but with an indulgent smile. She reached out for Elizabeth's elbow and helped her to her feet, saying nothing but inwardly pleased to see the first signs that confirmed the conjectures of the other scrub nurses.

Later that day, back up to speed, Elizabeth was coming up from the ER with a trauma patient, a young woman in cardiac arrest. As she pushed the gurney out of the elevator towards an OR, Dorsett ran up and tried to grab hold, elbowing her out of the way. "Hey!" she objected, "that's my patient. What are you doing?"

Dorsett just pushed on with the gurney through the doors. When Elizabeth followed and tried to see what he was planning, he reached back with his left hand, grabbed her shoulder and gave her a shove that sent her slipping back toward the door. At her gasp, Shirley looked up from assisting and ran to her. "I'm okay," Elizabeth panted. And suddenly not too eager to get too close to Dorsett, she straightened and called out, "Edward! What are you doing?"

"She's a perfect subject for my mylar trial," he responded, while examining an image of the patient's damaged vessels projected by a fiber-optic camera onto a monitor. "Fine!" Elizabeth allowed a bit bitterly, and without the objections that the staff expected, left the room.

As Dorsett was leaving the shower, he heard the click of footsteps echoing in the emptiness. Looking up he saw Robert Romano fast approaching, swiflty closing the space between Dorsett and his open locker. As the two stood face to face, Dorsett smiled. He was standing in a towel, his tall, tan body still sleek with water from the shower, his freshly washed hair slicked back, his skin tingling with cool water over tired muscles. He thrust his chest out with confidence and grinned down at the small, bald man before him. "Here to congratulate me on another amazing save in surgery?" he simpered. But Romano, lips curled in disgust, didn't answer. He reached out with his prosthetic hook and snared the knot of Dorsett's towel, looping through it and pulling it free so that the towel quickly slipped down into a puddle at the man's feet. Dorsett froze in surprise as Robert laughed drily. "I'm thinking about trying some experimental procedures myself." he said quietly, his eyes on the hook, the hook pointed at a very precise piece of Dorsett's anatomy. "And I've decided to start small."

Dorsett swallowed and stepped back. "I'll consider deferring my little experiment for now," Robert continued. "If you'll consider showing your colleagues a little more respect in the OR. "What?" Dorsett stammered, shaking a bit from cold and fear and a desire to laugh at the bizarre situation. "Don't ever touch her again." Robert hissed, then turned on his heel and briskly walked out of the room.

Gossip about her OR incident with Dorsett had spread, and when Elizabeth was called down to the ER on a consult that turned out not to need surgery, Susan took her aside.

"Hey. Are you alright?" she asked with quiet concern.

"Hmm." Elizabeth affirmed, but when she let herself think about it she was actually a bit shaken.

"Yeah. I see that." Susan smiled sceptically and dragged her protesting colleague to the lounge.

"You know," she continued more seriously as she offered Elizabeth a glass of water, "you should write him up. He shouldn't have laid a hand on you. No matter how eager he was or how urgent the situation."

"Elizabeth shook her head with embarassment. "Susan, it's not like it's the first time he's touched me. I used to sleep with the man. The committee would laugh me out of the room. Dorsett could even charge me with sexual harassment."

Susan smiled ruefully. "Things have really changed. It's tough to be the woman on top." She giggled. "That's not what I meant."

Elizabeth sighed, a little stressed out and just tired from the ups and downs of the day and from everyone's concern for her. She leaned her head back against the sofa, closed her eyes, and let her hand float to its newly accustomed position on her belly. She felt Susan sit down next to her. Then silence.

When she reopened her eyes, Susan was smiling broadly. "How many weeks?" "Fourteen, we think," Elizabeth admitted, first shy and then glowing at Susan's apparent happiness for her.

"I just haven't, we haven't, we thought that it would be best..." Elizabeth trailed off.

Susan met her wandering glance and steadied it, answering the silence with a more serious tone. "Elizabeth," she began, "you know that everyone here just wants what's best for you. Maybe it's taken us a while to accept that what's best for you is, well, being with Robert. But it so obviously is." She paused. "It's good news. You should tell people."

Elizabeth was biting her lip, but as Susan concluded she opened her mouth to respond but she just choked and started to cry. Susan put her arms around Elizabeth and hugged her. "Mood swings?" she asked. Elizabeth nodded, "Robert usually feeds me chocolate until this passes. He's actually invested some money in Godiva stock. He calls it baby's college fund." She started to sniffle and giggle. "I love him, Susan," she admitted, as if she had to explain. "He's strong and gentle and makes me laugh, and he loves me like I've never imagined being loved." She paused. Would Susan think she loved Robert more than Mark? That she was betraying Mark's memory with a man who most people found far inferior to her late husband? But Susan was nodding.

"Elizabeth, if a man ever looked at me the way Robert looks at you, I wouldn't care what anyone else thought. I'd be with him and never look back."

Just then Weaver came through the doors and Elizabeth stood up to end the conversation. As she was about to leave, she turned, "Oh, Kerry, just so you won't be the last to know. I'm pregnant." She flashed a grin at Susan and left as Kerry choked on her first sip of coffee of the shift.


	8. chapter 8

Elizabeth heard his voice in the living room as she closed the kitchen door behind her. It wasn't the loud, booming voice in which he often greeted her, nor the softer, sweeter one he used with Ella, but rather a low and serious tone that he rarely used at home. What was going on?

"Roses, white." she heard him say. "She liked the fragrant ones." Elizabeth walked quietly on the thick carpet until she was standing behind him. He had heard the rustle of her skirt and leaned back a little so that his head rested against her hip as he finished the call, his eyes closed, nodding in agreement at whatever was being said. "Yes. No, I'll take care of that myself tomorrow. Thank you."

He hung up the phone and set it down on the coffee table but didn't turn around. Elizabeth had to circle the arm of the couch and sit down to face him. His eyes were bloodshot and his mouth was turned down at the corners.

"Robert?" she asked. "Are you alright?"

He nodded and reached out his arm to her. She turned so that she could lean back against him, tucking her head under his chin, the thunder of his heart beating against her back. He was quiet for a minute and then whispered. "Ella's upstairs, still napping." After that he just held her tightly to him, and she felt him swallow, unable to say anymore.

She turned in his arms, still pressed against him, now facing him. His lips were trembling and she stilled them by pressing a long kiss against them. "Robert. Love. You can tell me. Please tell me," she murmured, stroking his cheek.

"My mother died. This morning." his voice was hollow and echoey, as if there was no conviction behind the words.

"Oh, Robert," she answered, hugging him tightly to her, "why didn't you call me?" she asked, whispering into his ear.

"I didn't know what to do," he mumbled back, "So many calls to make. She had five husbands. Four still alive. Nobody can come. Just me."

Elizabeth breathed deeply. She still wasn't used to this voice. She was still a little scared at seeing him so quiet. She kissed his cheek and smiled reassuringly, "But I'm here. I'll help you. You know that don't you?"

Robert finally seemed to wake up, shake his head quickly. He stood then and straightened. "I'm fine. Really. It's all done now. I mean, for God's sake, she hasn't known me for the last three years. Every week, she'd look right through me. Why should I miss her now?" And realizing that he wasn't as steady as he thought, Robert leaned sideways against the back of the sofa, Elizabeth staring up at him.

A noise made them both turn. Ella was scooting down the stairs on her bum, carefully clinging to a piece of blue construction paper in one hand while pushing herself down with the other.

"Hey!" Elizabeth sprung up to get her. But when she got to the middle of the stairs she realized that she probably shouldn't lift her, so she turned to Robert, "Can I get some help here?" Robert smiled, went to get Ella and brought her to the bottom of the staircase and set her down. He sighed and turned as if to go back to the sofa or the phone, but Ella grabbed his hand, "Robuht!" she protested.

He smiled and kneeled. "What's up, buttercup?" he murmured stroking her blond bangs out of her eyes and tucking her hair behind her little ear.

"Picture for you!"

"Oh!" he said and took the paper from her and examined it carefully. It was a drawing of two people, one with her arms around the shoulders of the other.

Elizabeth sat down on the bottom step and peered over. "Who are the people, sweetie?"

"Me," she explained pointing to the smaller one whose arms encircled the other. "And Robuht. I'm hugging him."

Robert's eyes filled with tears all of the sudden and he turned his face away a bit to wipe them. "What about doing that now? For real?" Elizabeth encouraged. But Ella waited quietly for Robert to turn back to her.

"Okay?" asked Ella. Robert nodded and she stood up on her toes to circle his neck with her arms.

"Hmmm!" Robert sighed, his eyes closed, burying his nose into Ella's sweet-smelling hair and hugging her to him. Elizabeth couldn't resist and kneeled to join them. Robert looked up and met her eyes. He smiled. "You two," he shook his head as if confounded. He kissed Elizabeth on the lips and then Ella on the forehead, stood up taking the toddler in his arms and trotted her into the kitchen.

That night in bed, Elizabeth waited for Robert to brush his teeth and slide in beside her. She put down the morning newspaper and looked at him, but he just picked up a journal as if he was going to read. "Robert!" she exclaimed impatiently. "What?" he mocked her tone exactly. "Could you tell me what's going on? What you're feeling? Do I have to draw you a picture of the two of us talking for it to happen?" Robert smiled at her exasperation and scooted over to snuggle her. He sighed and began to speak in yet another of his voices, the one that confided his most private thoughts to Elizabeth.

"She's really gone. And I won't be able to tell her, 'Mother, this is the woman I love.' or 'I'm a father now.' " He paused. "Not that I haven't told her about you. Every week for the last three years. Funny. She's a better listener now that she has no idea what I'm talking about. She used to be such a conversationalist. The wittiest woman at her parties. She made all the men fall in love with her. And I still don't know if she ever loved anyone but herself…."

He rubbed his eyes, tired from the long day, the long explanation that was still not one, and rolled on his side to look at Elizabeth. "Can we maybe talk about this tomorrow?"

She stroked his head with her hand and kissed his forehead gently then tilted her face down to kiss him on the lips. "Of course we can." She paused. "And the funeral?"

"Tomorrow at noon. Graveside. I'll be okay. You go to work."

"Robert!" she objected.

"Honestly," he said, looking steadily into her eyes. "I want to say goodbye alone. I actually have a lot to say. I'll call you after though, if you want."

Elizabeth was exasperated but let him think he'd won, planning to duck out of surgery tomorrow and be there for him at the service. She turned out the lamp and curled up against him, holding his hand in hers, letting him know that she was there.

The next day though, a laboratory explosion at a local high school trapped her in the OR, and Elizabeth couldn't even call him til two. When Robert didn't answer his cell or at home, she decided to pick up Ella at daycare and go to wait for him at the house. Around five, after a few hours of pacing, her cell phone rang. "Will you have dinner with me?" Robert asked her. "What?" she responded but then before continuing, "Are you alright? Where are you?" "I'm at the the cemetery. Let's go to Morton's. Can we get a sitter for Ella?" "Robert!" "Lizzie, I know it's early, but..." "Alright," she shrugged, "Come home first, though." "No," he ended, "Meet you at six." And he hung up.

That night, over two tremendous steaks, Robert told Elizabeth about his mother and about his four different step-fathers. His sisters left home to live with an aunt and uncle but Robert stayed til the end, til he was the only man left. Then after the last marriage ended, mother went away, traveling around the world, and for years it was just postcards and the rare phone call. Not even for his med school graduation. Not even when he became a surgeon, chief of surgery, chief of staff. And when she came back, even though he should have stopped caring he still did, still did everything to please her, still wanted to be the man in her life.

And all of the sudden, she needed taking care of. She was older and smaller and more fragile. At the end she started forgetting, going shopping and getting lost, having her hair done and then going back to have it done the same day. "The last three years, well you, know..." He ended. He looked down at his plate. "How did I talk so much and eat so much?"

"You're just an amazing man," Elizabeth replied with a wide smile. She squeezed his hand under the table. "Let's get dessert," Robert suggested.

For the chocolate mousse cake and the lemon meringue pie, Robert moved his chair around next to Elizabeth's so that they could share. It was eleven o'clock and the restaurant was slowing down. "We should go soon," he suggested, but a little too full to move he stretched and swiveled in his chair to look for a waiter. Elizabeth put a hand on his. "Not so fast," she smiled. "Why this place? What's so special about it?"

"Every time she wanted to tell me something serious, like she was getting married or going away, she would bring me here. I wanted to be mad at her, but she was always so charming. And we'd always eat and laugh and have fun. The best dates I ever had. Well, until you." He paused and smiled into Elizabeth's eyes, then lowered his to continue. "Whenever I missed her, I could always come back here. I don't know. And they have good food?…. Did I answer your question?"

"Yes." And Elizabeth put her arms around Robert and kissed him gently on the cheek.


End file.
